I don't know what to say. I haven't written for quite some time now and its because I seem to have run out of new thoughts. My life has grown into one long string of predictable occurrences, one following right after the other. But at least now there is a change in sight. There's a break in the wall, and I'm running for it till my thighs burn and my lungs turn to iron. I hope my heart will hold out.

Long ago I read somewhere that right now, in this very hour, we've all been given everything we need to survive this present moment and all its trials. No matter how thin you're worn, no matter how big the world and its problems seem, you've been given enough. I took this to heart the moment I read it, but I never translated it to material goods as well as etherworldly ones. Last night I made a list of all the things we need, beginning with all the things we already have. And we have enough.

This morning I awoke to my Uncles knock on the kitchen window, and I purposefully fell soundly asleep as my mother disappear out the front door to talk with him in whispers on the front steps. An intervention is coming. I feel it. And its safe to say I resent it more than just a little. I feel my family falling away from me.

I told Marcos that if this is what they need to do to ease their consciences and acquire that elusive self righteous fix they need so desperately then its the least we can do. They can talk, yell, and confront all they want. Even Jesus never defended himself, regardless of what he was accused of. He was satisfied with the knowledge He possessed of himself. He knew he had his heavenly Father's approval and seal of goodwill, and that was enough for him. And its enough for me now.

I've been granted an overwhelming sense of peace. Peace persists. Peace that passes all understanding. I never knew exactly what that verse meant till these most recent days.

I folded my hands like a child in prayer, And I didn't know what to ask for. I didn't know what to pray not because You and I have grown so far apart, but because I no longer have words to name my life by. Perhaps prayer isn't in the asking, but the listening.

Someone's thrown the dice into the air, and I'm waiting for them to fall on the carpet. You call the number. I can't look.

-A.H.
ps. I have my licence! I'm such a big girl now.